Many in our group have a huge fear of dating again after a long draining experience with a Narc.  This is a very valid fear.  A Narc is so cleaver, knows all the tricks, how will we know?  How can we tell we are not falling for another let down?

What I always advised most of my post victims is to first give yourself some time.  You must have time to heal, time to find yourself again and be happy with just yourself, time to regain the things you once enjoyed.  Once you do that, you are off to a good start.  Second, is I have always told them to watch for one good clue, “too much, too fast”.  That goes for about everything.   This has nothing to do with a very nice person with good qualities , this is the over the top nice and attention.  The over the top can take a bit of time to see because most people are on their best behavior on the first few dates and that does not always make them a Narc.

The too much, too fast goes for both the Narc and for the victim.  For the Narc, it can be too much attention, too much want, too much spent on you, too much, too much.  If they pour on the gifts, or want to take wonderful trips and you just met, kindly turn them away, since this is one of the Narcs tools from the beginning for the love bombing.  You will not get caught up in the manipulated love bombing if you , yourself pull back.  Treat the new relationship like you are not looking for a committed, serious life style at this point.

As far as the victim, you also can give too much, too fast.  Such as, too much information.  That goes for your life story, your ups, your downs, your likes, your dislikes, your deepest emotions and thoughts.  You would not spill all of that on a stranger and this person at this point is a stranger.  A Narc uses all your information as a tool.  One, to mirror you, become you, play out all your likes and dislikes so you think you found your soulmate.  Two, they will and can use that information against you when they start the discarding on you.  If you remember this, you will think twice how much you share at the get go.

Remember, Narcs do not like strong mates or independence.  They will try to break you, so if you are doing well at keeping a bit of a mystery of yourself, the Narc may start over sharing themselves with you. The Narc may start to share their deepest moments, the likes and dislikes, childhood traumas, emotional issues (true or untrue).  It is to get you to open up because they do not like your strength.   You tell them your sad story of being with a Narc, well, they will mask themselves and play off they are not a Narc, so it will only make it harder for you.  You tell them about your horrible relationship and what they did to you, well they will ACT like the total opposite so you fall for them.  Example, you tell them you were cheated on and it hurt you so bad, they will go on and on how terrible that was and they would never do that to such a wonderful person.  Yet the Narc is one of the biggest cheaters .

I would like to share this blog By Shahida Arabi, Bestselling Author .  She is a very good source of information on the life with a Narc.   I have copy/pasted a link below.  It is a very good article on the 5 Signs of a Narc.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2018/07/5-dating-red-flags-of-narcissists-we-mistake-for-intimacy/