New interest and questions keep arising as we continue this blog. One of which came up was the question of “why do they have victims that continue to be fans?”
There are a few reasons for this, the N will have one or the other; the “fan” or the ones who “ran”. How does this happen when a toxic person like this is in your life? Easy. Let’s take the fans first, the reason they are a fan is because all they have experienced was the love bombing stage and then maybe a small faded away exit with no real explanation. They never saw the other two stages. These are the victims that are in and out of their lives. It is possible the victim is intoxicated with the love bombing, charm or attention, but then the N, they just moved on. These are either short dating relationships or ones who do not spend a lot of personal time with them. This could be a short fling, yet the victim wanted (or hoped) it would continue. Fans can try to contact the N often, give up, then try again. They will continue to be hooked on the N, which is sad because it makes it truly hard for them to move on completely. Does the N care they are doing this to this person? NO. Instead of having a heart to heart talk with them. They will let this continue, they love the attention, even if they are in a relationship at the time, they will welcome the fan to flatter them with no respect to the new partner (victim). In a sort of a different way of looking at this, remember young teen years and a teen that is totally love sick over a rock star, or an actor? They do not know who they are in real life, or their true personality, they only see their performance on stage. But yet, they want them and will continue to want them.
Now there are cases where the victim cannot accept there is no love, the N/psychopath cannot generate love, they can only want and desire, but never have deep true love. Many victims cannot understand that nor accept that, so will continue to be a fan. Another case is where they feel they can fix them, or they can change them. This is the far most worst idea or thought process a victim can have. They will never change, it is embedded within them, it is who they are, and the victim will not accept that. So they stay a fan, going back over and over, never getting past the trauma, wasting the days and years of their life. The N/psychopath can play it on forever; victim will want this person while feeling there is hope and can fix them, which all ends up being a long or lifetime emotional roller coaster never getting to experience true love.
I guess you have to look at it if you, yourself never experienced anything but high to mild love bombing and then they faded away. You will still have a want or wish for them to return, because you never have seen any of the mask removed. Now there are some fans that were old relationships that knew each other for a long time or off and on or bootie calls, but did not spend the seriousness enough to see the dark side. Like they say, many family members have never seen the dark side of them can be very common. Some of these older Fan victims will go on, find a new mate and marry, yet will still stray to spend a night in bed with the N. In this case, both are in the wrong, and the N will find this exciting and an ego booster. They have no pride or ethics of who they hurt along the way.
Now there is another issue that creates the victim from not letting go. It is called “Stockholm Syndrome” and it more common than you think. It is an unhealthy bond with the abuser. If you want to know more about Stockholm Syndrome, go to the menu on the homepage for more insight.
Now the victims who Ran, well those are obvious. They are the ones that saw the real side, experienced the true side over and over again. In most cases there is enough mental abuse, damage and repair to the victim. They too have a hard time doing the “Ran” due to the conditioning and mental abuse; but once they ran and healed it is forever and no return.
In short, and sad, the Ran victim had to go through all the phases, most likely many times. They must live it and go through the abuse to even KNOW they were in a toxic relationship with a N/psychopath. While the Fan victim never even reached or even seen the second phase.
Besides the fact they continue to collect new victims as reserves, they also use (and try to retain) past Fans as part of their reserve in between victims.